...On That September Day???

It's hard to believe that six years have passed since that beautiful, yet tragic day happened. I say beautiful because the weather was quite lovely as I recall.

Here's my story of where I was that day...

My family and I were finally settled in here in Tawas. I was trying like crazy, though in vain, to find a job here. Anyways, my old Ford Contour was once again, needing front brakes. You could pretty much time it out to exactly every five thousand miles the breaks were going to need to be replaced. I loved that car, when it wasn't in the shop, which was like, hardly ever. But I digress...My uncle Doug had said that if I brought the car down to Ypsilanti he would do the break job for me, just because. So that Tuesday morning, my mom and I were planning to leave around 11 to head down for a couple of days. I woke up around nine and began to get ready. I turned on the tv for some noise, and noticed that there was a live shot from NY showing smoke coming out from the side of one of the twin towers, and they were saying a plane had crashed. They made it sound as if it was a smallish plane at the time. I remember watching that and saying to myself, "Wow, that's going to be hard for them to get up there and fix back!" After a little while, I saw CNN anchorman Aaron Brown. He was sitting on a balcony I guess, and the towers were behind him. As he was talking about how terrorists were possibly involved, I saw the other plane in the background come around and smash into the other tower. All I could say was "Oh my gosh!!!"  I finally tore myself away from the tv to go and find my mother and tell her that she needed to come to the tv, because "our country is being attacked!!!"

We sat there and watched in horror as the story developed, as word and pictures came in from Washington at the Pentagon, and as word came in about a crash in Pennsylvania. 

All was so calm and quiet up here, it was so hard to imagine that pandemonium had erupted in this our fair land.

After a while my mom phoned my grandfather, and asked him if he thought it would be safe for us to make the trip, to which he replied, "Now think about it, out of all the people in the world, do you really think that the terrorists are going to single out your car???" To which my mother replied, "I guess you're right". So off we went, though several hours after we had planned. Along the way we saw a couple of gas stations had raised their prices to almost $5.00 a gallon!!!  We did eventually make it, and we all sat gathered around the tv in my grandparent's living room.

You may recall that all aircraft travel was banned for several days after that, and I remember that first evening being outside, and noticing how unusually quiet it was outside, because we were only fifteen miles from Detroit Metro Airport, so you always heard planes in the air.

We stayed for several days there. I did get the car fixed, and somehow life went on for us.

If you ask me, that was the day that not only did America, in essence lose it's innocence, but I also believe that in many ways that day set off the countdown clock to the Lord's return. I say that because it seems as if since that day sooo many different things have come to pass that the Bible said would before Jesus came back.

So to that I say, if you are not ready to meet God face to face, then you ought to be getting ready, because mark my words, the day is coming, when we all will see him, face to face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You may recall from my vacation pictures the pictures I took of the memorial to the 9/11 victims of Monmouth County, New Jersey. I went to see it with my cousin Laura when we went to the Ocean. I thought it would be fitting to include them here one more time. The platform has the names engraved off all from Monmouth County who died that day, and the eagle is clutching in his talons a piece of steel from one of the towers.

In the now famous words of country crooner Alan Jackson, I once again ask...

"Where were you when the world stopped turning, on that September day???"

Love Always,
-Richard.

In order for any of this to make sense, you will have to check out Benny's and Marti's pages.

Tell me what you think about this...I can't help but wonder if perhaps God really does have a great plan for many of to collectively band together and be the shining light of Truth before the GLBT community. I mean seriously, it could be possible!!!

While it's great that we are able sit around here and talk about what needs to be done, but it's quite another to actually get together and form a plan and put it into motion.

So who's with me???  Should we seriously make this a matter of prayer??? Do you think we could make this happen??? Don't forget that "With God all things are possible".

Of course for me personally it would mean that I would probably have to figure out a way to break it to my family, which would be quite traumatic in and of itself!!!

But seriously, I'm looking for any and all input here, because as of right now, even  I'm not sure as to how or where to begin, if even at all.

I'm waiting......

Love,
-Richard.

Hey, does anyone have any HAIRSPRAY???

Love Always,
-Richard.

I have a lot of people ask me why I spend so much time in front of a computer, and why is it that I light up whenever I'm asked about my dealings on here, and the reason why could pretty much be summed up in the entry written by my sister Renee (aFallenCreature). I've said it once, and I'll say it again, I am very proud of the fact that we are part of one of the greatest little corner of friends in all of computerland, bar none!!!

Before I had all of you to get to know, and read about your life's stories, and pray over each of your requests, my life felt rather empty and lacking, but God knew what I needed, and where I needed to be, and I thank Him for that, and for all of you.

It's still funny almost to the point of mind-blowing to think about how God was able to take something so awful in my life, and use it to help me meet all of you, who have truly become some of my dearest friends, and how He uses all of us to truly minister and encourage each other in this, our life's walk.

There are several of you that have been so faithful to comment me and show such kindness, and I realize that I haven't written back much, and for that I truly apologize. I promise that all your words mean a great deal to me, and I do hope to write each of you before too long. Thank you to all of you for your love and friendship, for it's truly made a difference in my life, and I can only hope and pray that I have been able to somehow, by the grace of God, make a difference in your lives.

Love Always,
-Richard.

All I have in this world
Is fire from above
All I have in this world, is You
And all the journeys I have walked
I know You've walked them too
All I want is to be faithful
All I want, is You

All I have is a love
That set my world on fire
Let it fall let burn, in me
And oh to be a friend of God
Is all that I desire
All I want is to be faithful
All I want
Is You

All I have in this world
Is fire from above
All I have is You
All the journeys I have walked
I know You've walked them too
All I want is to be faithful
All I want
Is You

All I want is You.

May this be the prayer and desire of my heart, and perhaps yours too.

Love,
-Richard.

Hey Everyone...

For those of you haven't had the chance to yet, I would like to encourage you to get to know my newest adopted sister Renee, aka "aFallenCreature". She is such a precious soul from the South, and the more love you give, the more she gives in return!!!

But most importantly, her life is a wonderful testimony to how God can bring about change in anyone.

Love Always,
-Richard.

Hi everyone, I just wanted to take a moment to say that I am home safe and sound, having now completed the Xanga Summer Tour '07. Melinda's party went wonderfully. I counted twenty people there, and I have to say that she has the most AMAZING friends!!! I mean, I wish they were all on Xanga, because they are the kind of people (like so many of you) that I would give anything to be friends with!!!

Hopefully I will get to share a few pics from that day with you all later this week.

With Love,
-Richard.

This is either a telling story of the explosion of pop culture in our fair nation, or the setup to a really good "You might be a redneck..." joke.

You know how reality shows have become so popular over the past several years??? Well, you know that they have really reached that high water mark when you find out that one of your own relatives is a star on one!!!

I say this not to boast of me or my "connections", I just think it's kind of funny!!! CMT (Country Music Television) has recently came out with a new reality series called "Ladies Love Country Boys". It's a show that follows certain guys and girls around, guys that seem to symbolize what a modern "country boy" is like, and the girls that are attracted to them. As it turns out, my cousin Tim, is one of the featured guys on the show. Does his crazy antics on there surprise me??? No. After all, he does come from the part of our family that likes to, um, have a good time. If some of  you will recall, back to February when I talked about the death of my Uncle Dillard, well, Tim is one of his sons. I was sitting here watching the show with Mom tonight, and she was like "I guess that must be Tim's girlfriend", and I was able to say "oh yeah, she was with him at Shannon's wedding". I wish I had gotten some better snaps with him in them, but well, you know But I do have this random one of Tim with Shannon, my cousin, not his girlfriend, at the wedding...

So yeah, it's a bit of a break from my thoughts for this week, but I still thought it was "One for the ol' Xanga page"!!!

And on a different note, tomorrow "Saturday" I am heading to Kalamazoo, MI for the day to celebrate Melinda's big birthday bash, which will also be the final leg of my Xanga Summer Tour. So if you could, please keep me in prayer, as I'll be gone till Sunday evening.

With Love Always,

-Richard.

Oh, and I almost forgot the "joke"...You might be a redneck, if one of your cousins is a star on a reality TV show

Tonight I had the opportunity to watch an interview of Tammy Faye Messner, the lady who was married to televangelist Jim Bakker, and wears all the eye makeup. Larry King was interviewing her. the reason I bring this up is because of some of the things that she talked about. For one, she is dying from cancer, and only weighs 65 pounds. She was asked how she was able to stay so positive, and she said that her strength and joy came from knowing the Lord. Something that she brought up that really got my attention was that she had a real love and concern for the gay community. In fact, her son Jay, himself a pastor in NYC, said that back in the early eighties she had interviewed a leader from a gay church on her PTL show. He said that even though she didn't agree with everything they stood for, she did it because she wanted to extend Christian love to that community, and let them know that God cares about them, and wants them to know the truth.

So I don't know, it just seemed to me like Tammy really had a clue, when it came to reaching out to the LGBT crowd. She knew that by showing real and compassionate love to them they would never forget that, and it was said tonight that many within that community still holds her in high regard.

Such a simple concept, yet so profound. Be willing to reach out and love these people, and let God begin the change within. If only more Christians could realize that. If only we can grasp that, and be willing to, as fellow strugglers, who certaintly know a thing or two about what they are going through, reach out, and show them the love of Jesus.

It was nice to see that despite all the scandal and controversy that surrounded the Bakkers, God was and is still able to use them for His purposes. I guess that perhaps the reason I really wanted to watch the interview is because my teacher, and mother of my pastor, Miss Joyce, is a personal friend of Tammy, and knew the whole Bakker family. I guess it goes to show that the world isn't so big after all!!!

In closing, please remember that I love you all so very much, and regardless of where we are, or how you may feel about me, my love will still be there, because I want to model my life and love after God's Perfect Love.

Your Friend,
-Richard.

~~~~~A New Quote~~~~

'When it comes to living for Jesus, it's all or nothing..."

Tonight finds me sitting here at my humble computer battling a head cold, and reflecting back over my life, and wondering about the different aspects of it. In other words, how would my life had turned out if I had made different decisions, took different paths, chose to have other interests.

It goes without saying that there are certain things that I wish I had done differently. I wish that I hadn't been so timid growing up, and had tried to be more outgoing, and explored more of what life had to offer, meaning all the good things. I wish I wasn't so afraid of school, that there weren't so many teachers that didn't like me and perceived me a weak, perhaps then I would have mastered things like algebra, and could have went on and gotten that college degree that I wanted. Maybe if I had friends and counselors in school that would have encouraged me to try out for things and get involved then maybe I would have better understood what it meant to be disciplined and determined, and found ways to be popular, or at least better liked. Maybe if some Christian leaders had offered to reach out and show genuine concern for me when they learned of my various struggles, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here tonight pouring my heart out to all of you, people that I consider my closest and dearest friends and family.

But I am determined to not make this a "pity party" for myself. I guess if anything  I just needed to sit here and bring to surface the rest of the "stuff" that I keep hidden deep inside so that I can continue to find the healing that I need.

You know, I felt the need to take on the role of "older brother" here, the "tweener" if you would, and I have enjoyed every moment of it. but sometimes I can't help but wonder if here, at thirty-two years of age, have I found myself in an awkward position where no one fees as if they can relate, or I am having trouble relating back???  I would like to think that I do okay relating to many of you, and I can only pray that you know that my love and friendship is pure and true.

Danny, Jonathan and TM, I truly hope that you know that your friendship means the world to me. When we were together, I hope I was able to convey that to each of you, though deep down inside I just wanted to hug you collectively for the longest time and just love you like the brothers and sister that you have become to me. Truth be told, while standing there on that street before we said goodbye to Danny, I was really fighting hard to hold back the tears, because I didn't want that day to end.

To the rest of you, I pray that the day comes when we can all meet, because I want to have that kind of day with each of you too.

You see, this is why I try so hard to keep the lines of communication open between us, because I believe that we have something really special here, this friendship of ours, and I don't ever want any of us to lose it.

Now, I have to figure out how I am going to tie all of this together!!!

I guess that what all of this means, at least to me is that I have learned a lot in all my years, and though it would appear that I have problems, I really don't, because you see, I have my Heavenly Father to rely on and He gladly takes my burdens and problems, and makes them His own, and that just overwhelms me!!!  I could ask why He didn't allow for me to attend some big university somewhere, but He knew that I might not have made it there. I sometimes wonder why I am stuck in the corner of nowhere, but I realize that if I weren't here, I would have most likely given in to my SSA in the city and, well, who knows...

So I am going to praise God right here where I am. I'm going to praise Him for the good things I have, for my family that loves me, for the few possessions He has given me, and for my precious friends, namely You!!! I guess that it's at this point that I am secretly hoping that a bunch of you will stop by leave some love for me, because well, truth be told, I am only human, and though I LOVE giving out love, sometimes I really need it too...

If you all could, please keep me in prayer, that I will get over my bug, at least by the weekend, because on Saturday, I'm hoping to, in a sense, continue....

The Xanga Summer Tour!!!

You see, my  xanga friend Melinda, who lives in the opposite corner of the state from me in Kalamazoo, has asked me to come down on Saturday and help her celebrate her birthday with some friends, and I'm hoping that I can, followed by a quick run to Ypsilanti for church on Sunday, and then back home again.

But What Comes After The Tour???

Ah yes, that's a good question, because this was pretty much the highlight of the year for me. Well, I have decided that I'm not going to worry too much about my so called "career" at the CU. I am going to begin to pray about looking for other opportunities elsewhere, and be willing to go where ever God might lead. Not too awful long ago, I was afraid to venture out too far, because I was afraid of falling in my struggle, but, courtesy of all of you, and by the grace of God, I believe that I can do it, and succeed!!!  I'm not going to give up in my quest of completing my schooling for ministry, because I still believe that we serve a mighty God, and if He wants to use me, even though I still have a hard time seeing how, He will use me,if I am willing to be used. And speaking of that, please pray for me, that I will have a greater zeal and desire to get more into the Word, and hunger for it more, so that I can be found faithful.

Well, that's all I have for tonight. It's funny, but whenever I am sick, it's then that my mind seems to go into overdrive and a flood of thoughts and emotions burst forth, and well, entries like this come along!!!

Always remember, that I love each of you dearly, and I always will.

And thank you, for allowing me to totally be myself, the real me, in this, my search, for myself!!!

Love,

-Richard,

-your big brother.