Courtesy of Richard Marx, this song seems to sum up my feelings from the past year...

You know just how to hurt me
And how to take all the pain away
Girl, you must be the devil in disguise
There were times, I think you knew
When I was so afraid of you
There's some kind of madness in your eyes

You know a place buried deep in my heart
Nobody else can see
Something in you has taken some kind of hold on me

I don't know why I keep coming back to you, baby
I don't know why I keep coming back to you
To you baby

You say we shouldn't be lovers
And I say we can't just be friends
And all this talking just makes me want you more
You've got a way of confusing a heart
That nobody else could do
Why should I try, I don't want to get over you

I don't know why I keep coming back to you, baby
Just tell me why I keep coming back to you
I don't know why I keep coming back to you, baby
Tell me why I keep coming back to you

I'm so in love, so in love with the games that you play
So in love, and nothing can keep me away

You've got a way of confusing a heart
That nobody else could do
Why should I try, I don't want to get over you

I don't know why I keep coming back to you, baby
I don't know why I keep coming back to you
To you baby

I sure wish I knew why, after almost two years, I still can't get Jennifer off of my mind.
Tonight I went to a bluegrass concert and I took along my friend Amanda. We're just friends, though for some strange reason she seems to like me, and for what it's worth, she knows of my "issues".  I find that bluegrass comes easily to me, and if I could just play a banjo or mandolin I'd be good to go. But I digress...All during the night all I could think about was Jennifer. You know, despite the fact that she couldn't say goodbye, or at the least tell me how she felt, or about Matt, I still care about her. A lot. By no means am I obsessed, or have any plans of stalking her, please know that!!! All I know is that she is the only girl that I have ever known that truly made me feel like a man. I have no doubt that my issues would have no longer been an issue in my life.

It really seemed as if she was meant to be part of a bigger picture of my life, where we would have been partners in ministry, and the best of friends.

I'm sorry I keep on about this so much, but I'm really missing her right now...

Well I have to get to bed soon. I have Sunday School to teach in the morning.

Love Always,
-Richard.

Hello all!!!

It drives me crazy that I have so much that I want to share, but yet when I finally have time to sit down and write, it's all gone!!! I should seriously look into getting a personal recorder and carry it with me so whenever I get inspired I can pull it out and one of those "Note to self..." things!!!

This week I have heard from two people from my school days. One person, Jodi, I haven't seen in probably twenty years!!! The other girl, Lori, harks back to my high school days in Florida.

I'm praying that God will give me the strength and words to be able to share with you all what's really going on with me right now, because I really want to, but I'm just not yet sure how. Your prayers would be greatly appreciated, because I think that once my "writer's block" goes away I could really let loose, probably to the point of earning one of those xanga "true" badges!!!

Till next time my friends....

Love,
-Richard.

I have decided that I am tired of being handicapped. I realize that there are people in far worse shape than me, and my heart goes out to them. My handicap is small, so it's annoying. There is so much that I want to do, but it's getting in the way, SO, I have decided that I am going to pray for God to just heal me. I asked Grandma Joyce (Pastor's mom) to pray for me, and she agreed that this was a good thing.

I have also decided that I need to start praying for breakthroughs in other areas of my life as well. For instance, I am in need of a financial breakthrough. Unless a windfall comes my way, the only way this one will come together is for a new job to come my way.

Of course I am still praying for a breakthrough for my um, "issues", but that goes without saying...

But perhaps most importantly my biggest desire for breakthrough is one where I can continue to draw closer to God and truly be what He wants me to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now how's this for an update...

Today a lady at church asked me if I would be willing to teach Sunday School to a little group of kids!!!  I tried not to let it show, but I was almost overwhelmed at that request!!! I mean, what an honor!!! It goes without saying that I do not feel worthy or qualified for the job, but yet in a strange sort of way, it's kind of like an answer to prayer, in that perhaps God is using this to show me that He has faith in me, and is willing to give me another chance at serving Him. Regardless of the circumstances, I shall praise Him for it all.

I have until Wednesday to decide, so if you could keep me in prayer about this, I would appreciate it.

I realize that I am not alone in needing a breakthrough. Marti, my precious little sister from Pennsylvania is in need of a job, and has been having to deal with some issues at her church. If you could keep her in prayer too, I know it would mean a lot to her. She just called me a few minutes ago...I guess she knew that I was thinking of her!!!

Oh, and I can't forget this...
My friend Ricky called me last night. He is a youth pastor in Georgia, and lately whenever he finds himself on a lengthy road trip alone he rings me up, which thrills me because he is one of my oldest and dearest friends, and we don't see each other much at all anymore. Anyways, he told me last night that he and Christy, his lovely wife, are planning to move to Orlando, FL later this year to lay out the groundwork for starting a new church!!! He said that he really feels that this is what God wants him to do. A few other couples in his church has agreed to go along and help. I am really excited for him!!! I plan to commit to keeping him in prayer as this gets going.

Well, I hope this finds all of you well. I know I don't say it much, but I think of all of you often, and I miss our interaction.

As always, know that I love you all very much!!!

Your Friend,
-Richard.

Hi everyone!!!

I am sure many of you are wondering why I have subscribed to you all over again. Well you see, I have been maintaining two xanga sites for quite a while now, and I am finding myself at a point where I am trying to decide if I should shut the original site (supremebrougham) down in favor of this one, because this site ended up being the more popular of the two.

I realize that many of you might be visiting here because you got an email saying that someone had subscribed to your site, even though 1. you haven't blogged in like, forever, or 2. we haven't communicated in ages, and you want to see what's going on. I also realize that some of you might not even like me anymore for some reason, but I guess for nostalgia's sake, I wanted to include you here, because in all likelihood, you had a real impact on my life, and I don't want to forget you.

I haven't decided yet, but if I do decide to shut down the other site, I will probably repost many of my old blogs from that site onto here, so that I will still have them.

I also hope that those of you who haven't blogged in forever will now be inspired to pick back up the blogging habit, and let us know how you have been, I know I'd love to find out!!!

Well, I hope this finds all of you well.

With Love,
Your Friend,
-Richard.

Oh, and I almost forgot...

I'm hoping for some feedback on this...Now that Xanga is allowing site name changes, I'm toying with the idea of using the name "Supreme Brougham" for this one, after my original site. I mean, "searchingx4xmyself" has certaintly worked, but thanks to so many of you, I think that I have indeed, "found myself", and for that I thank you!

Quick history lesson of sorts..."Supreme Brougham is part of the name of an automobile I once owned, an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Brougham, with the old English word "Brougham" denoting that it was the top of the line luxury model. It was my all time favorite car, so that's why I chose that name, well that and it's also my email address, sort of...

So if you could offer your thoughts on this rather unimportant issue, I would appreciate it!!!

Hey everyone, sorry I've been away for a while!!!  Truth be told, even though all you are constantly on my mind, I have just felt kind of dry when it comes to writing.

I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon to take my mom to Ypsilanti so that she can join her family for a family portrait. They figure that seeing how my uncle has cancer and my grandpa isn't doing all that well, they better get it done now. And on Sunday we are hoping to get all the family to go to church!!!

I hope you all have a most blessed weekend!!!

Love Always,
-Richard.

My answer to this is so simple, yet it's all been so incredible for me. You see, since coming to Xangaland, I have found answers to prayers, answers to some of life's toughest problems, and most importantly, I've made some of the best friends I could have ever imagined!!! Yes, Xanga has changed my life...definitely for the better!!!

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

From the depths of my heart, I offer each of you who have stopped by, my sincerest thanks. Thank you for all the kind words and the prayers on my behalf. It's so comforting to know that people do care.

I appreciate EACH of you tremendously!!!

With Love,

-Richard.

Can I be honest with you all, well, that is, those of you that still come around here???

I really feel alone right now. I mean, here I am, -- years old (those of you who know me know how old I am) and I'm stuck at home with my parents, a badly messed up leg, and am unable to work till who knows when. My father is starting to be ugly to me again, and blame me for everything that's wrong in our family. I don't really have anywhere to go. The awful winters here makes it very hard for me to get around, as I am in a leg brace and now walk with a cane. I don't have anyone to pal around with here anymore, as my friends here are having babies and are all wrapped up in the whole family thing.

Some days I just wish someone would come to visit, as visitors to our home are very rare. I have to sit in a recliner all day long and either watch TV or play on this laptop of mine. I prefer reading to television, so the laptop gets quite the workout, so much so that the battery is shot so now I have to decide if I want to fork out another $70 for a new battery.

Thursday I go back to the doctor to find out what's going to happen to me with my leg. I hope she won't say surgery, but it's hard to say, as it still hurts a lot.

I'm hoping to leave a week from Thursday and go back to Ypsi so I can attend the Detroit Auto Show. It's the only thing I have to look forward to in the winter here. As of right now I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. I'm going to try and find a wheelchair for myself, I hope I can.

I'm finding also that I am longing for some type of companionship. Without going into all the stuff regarding my "issues", let's just say that despite my longings for someone, it ain't gonna happen.

You see, there really isn't anyone in my church, or the whole town for that matter for me. Yesterday I said that it looks like I have applied Date-away to myself-meaning that I have a skin issue that causes my face to peel uncontrollably and leave red blotches here and there. So yeah, let's review...

Bad leg
Unable to work
Stuck at home
Unattractive
"Issues"

Yeah, I'd say it's safe to say that well, you know...bleh.

Sorry for the seeming pity party, I just needed to get it off my chest. If you've stayed this long, thanks for listening.

Please pray for me.

Your Friend (I hope),
-Richard.

Happy Journey....

This is going to be my theme for Oh-Eight.

Granted, I know a fair amount about automotive history, but I had never heard of a Tatra till now. Tatra was an automobile company from Czechoslovakia. They were famous for making rear-engined cars. When the Nazis took over and brought communism into Czechoslovakia they decided that Tatras would only be available for government leaders and business owners, mainly because they really liked the cars. For what it's worth, they were amazing cars, in that it seemed as if nothing could stop them!!! The videos over in the left column below Toby the dog are parts one and two of a charming little promotional Tatra put together called "Happy Journey". If nothing else, watch them and enjoy the simple charm of them. Trust me, I know you, my "audience", and if nothing else, I know you will like that aspect of them.

So till next time boys and girls...

Happy Journey,

With Love,

-Richard.

....Courtesy of the fact that I have to stay home from work for at least the rest of the month. The doctor said that I didn't break anything, but do have a couple of messed up ligaments. I do have a lovely leg brace that I have to wear, it goes nicely with my new cane

So...If any of you would like to talk or whatever, feel free to ring me up. If you don't have my new #, just message me and I'll send it to you.

With Love,
-Richard.